WordPress was advertising NaBloPoMo. A site that somehow promotes the idea of writing in your blog every day for a month. It’s something along the lines of that site where you write 50,000 words in November. Not exactly sure on the details and I’m too tired to care about the details. But I figured I’d give it a go. Of course, I’m editing some rules – I’m already nine days later, so the possibility of success for writing everyday is out the window. I’m going to write until August 9th. And I’m not going to use their suggested themes – “Heroes” is the worst one I heard yet.
It’s funny. I rarely ever find inspiration to post. It’s not that I don’t want to post. I just don’t know what I want to post, and even when I do, I wind up deleting it afterward. Either I don’t like the way I word things or I just go completely off topic and wind up posting about crap. Look at this, for crying out loud. I was going to blog about the nablodfgh, but instead, I am writing about writing.
Hell, I don’t even know where I want to draw the line. Do I want to type stuff and actually edit it? Do I want my stuff to be read and thought about by others? Or do I just want to express myself and not care if people actually read it and feel enlightened/motivated/whatevered? I’ve realized that I don’t have much of a reader base and I’m too lazy to go on a whole diet kick (we all know that blogs that mention the word ‘diet’ usually get fifteen million times more hits; in fact, any writing does: look at the new york times best sellers). In all, my style changes. Are they good changes? That depends on the mood and style that I am in now. Right now, I don’t care about how I am writing this — hell I left new york times in lowercase and I have absolutely no desire to go back and read this. In my last post, I cared a little. I wanted to get my point across. But by the end, I realized that I did not get my point across and that all my research was, in fact, useless and did not amount to anything. (Hell, to follow up on that – I was right. Ana and Greivi make $12.00 an hour, so the whole data table is screwed. And I was promoted – with no black shirt [maybe I'll write about this next.. Good idea!] or pay raise.) Or, maybe, if we dig a little deeper – this blog represents me. A little teenager who has absolutely no idea what I want to do in my life.
I regret the days where I thought I had everything planned out and I knew how much I would allocate to this or that. But I don’t care anymore. I don’t care where life takes me. And I am not saying this in a depressive/manic way, but I truly do not believe that I can expect myself to fit into a specific stereotype. I’m an individual. And I am sick of secluding myself to things based on stereotypes and groups. I like movies with action. No, I do not like action movies. I like movies with action. I can watch so and so and love it. And realize that it’s part of X genre. But, when I am bored and want to watch a movie, I can’t turn to that X genre and expect to love that movie. Granted, I can’t expect to fall in love with every single one. But when I scroll down the list and realize that these are all crap – I take notice. Just because I like The Devil Wears Prada and am in love with Burn Notice does not mean that Michael is a thriller chick. Michael is a person who likes The Devil Wears Prada and Burn Notice.
And dinner is done. I’m not hungry. But I’m going to eat anyway.
I just want to give you a hug.